Letter to the Bank

[BlackMagicRose]

The attached is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year-old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

To whom it may concern,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his depositing the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly transfer of funds from my modest savings account, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty-one years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has recently become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached, an Application Contact Status form which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Please allow me to level the playing field even further. When you call me, you will now have a menu of options on my new voice mail system to choose from.

Please press the buttons as follows:
1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.
8. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client,

(Remember: This was written by a 96 year-old woman)

ROTFL...leave it to the elderly to tell them where to stick it...LMAO. She reminds me of my Great Gramma.

[Canadianblueyes]

*LMAO* That is hilarious. You have to admire the way some elderly just lay it on the line plain and simple( most of the time anyway). [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[BlackMagicRose]

LMAO.....oh yes....reminds me of my late Great Grandmother that lived to be 101 and a half. GAWD she was ornery as hell. LMFAO.

[Canadianblueyes]

I've met a number of older people who have no problem saying exactly what they want, even if it might not be to appropriate at the time. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[BlackMagicRose]

By the time they hit that age you figure let them have what they want no matter how they say it...LOL. You just hope you're not the person they are with WHEN they DO say it....LMAO. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Canadianblueyes]

*LOL* You got that right.

[BlackMagicRose]

I never will forget the time when my sister and her husband were engaged and it was right before they got married. I had just split up with my fiancee who was blonde haired and sky blue eyed a couple months before and my sisters husband has dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. Anyway, Great Grandma looked at my sister and looked at her now hubby and SOMEHOW had mistaken him....Gawd knows how for my ex and said "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING SHACKED UP WITH HER SISTER NOW?!?!?" Right in front of the entire family. LMFAO. My brother in law just got the most puzzled look on his face and we all just kind of sat there while Grandma told her mother to shut up and knock it off that it wasn't my ex it was a different young man. [img]eek.gif[/img]

[Canadianblueyes]

[img]eek.gif[/img] That definately would have been an awkward situation.*L* Especially for your sister's fiance.

[BlackMagicRose]

She was 99 years old...lol. He stood there wondered what the hell was going on. But kind of laughed it off like okay...Gramma's nuts...LOL. They got along great once they realized they shared the same birthday. That fixed everything...LOL

[Canadian Chick]

*cracks up*